The first wedding I performed as a minister had a near disaster that turned into one of the most poignant moments I’ve seen at any wedding. The bride and groom were both in recovery from addiction and had led hard lives. They were both in their late 30’s.
The near-disaster was with the lighting of the unity candles. The two outer candles are lit to begin the ceremony, and then the bride and groom each take a candle, and together light the middle candle, signifiying their lives becoming one.
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As I announced the lighting of the unity candles, I said the two candles have been lit to represent their individual lives to this point. I stepped to the side to motion to the candles, situated on a table behind me, to discover to my horror that the two outer candles had melted almost entirely down. All that remained were two tiny flames flickering from the base of the candle holders.
The only thing I could think to say was, “and as you can see they’ve been burning individually for quite some time now.”
We could have skipped the candle lighting. But here’s where it became powerful. Jim and Lynn broke the candle holders free of the melted wax around them. They were determined to still light that candle. It was so perfect for this ceremony: Despite the hard lives they experienced in the past, they were determined to make this ceremony work. I saw that played out in their determination to make their marriage work.
Life is hard. Faith is hard. As we examine the word picture of the church being the Bride of Christ, we can see some encouragement in that description.
Painting the picture of the bride of Christ
Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns. Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.
Revelation 19:6-8 (NIV)
Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of God’s holy people.)
God paints this picture of the relationship between Christ and the Church. The church, the Bride of Christ, is joined in marriage to the Lamb (Jesus).
We see this picture painted with more detail in Ephesians 5. Paul speaks of how husbands and wives should act towards one another. However, I’ll jump ahead to a spoiler about what he’s really talking about:
This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:32 (NIV)
We focus often on the instructions to husbands and wives. However, Paul emphasizes that “this is what I’m really talking about.” He’s really using this to illustrate the relationship between Jesus and His church.
Marriage paints a picture of worship
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24 (NIV)
We struggle with the idea of submission. Sometimes, that’s to the point of ignoring the rest of the passage. We forget that submission is very different than subservience
But one thing Paul does here is point to the concept of headship. The husband is head of the wife like Jesus is head of the church. It’s an appeal to respect for who the person is.
Ultimately, we’re recognizing who Jesus is. He’s our head. He’s our king. Jesus is our Lord, and when He’s Lord he deserves our submission.
Marriage paints a picture of God’s love
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Ephesians 5:25-28 (NIV)
I wonder if we’d understand submission better if this part came before the earlier verses.
Paul likes to point to the order of creation when speaking of the roles of men and women. It’s interesting what God has to say during creation:
The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Genesis 2:18 (NIV)
There’s a tendency to think of helper as someone inferior or subservient to the one they help. However, we must understand that the word we translate as “helper,” Ezer, is used most frequently in scripture to refer to God.
But as for me, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me.
Psalm 40:17 (NIV)
You are my help and my deliverer; you are my God, do not delay.
God is God. Yet he chooses to be a helper. This is consistent with Philippians 2:
In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.
Philippians 2:5-7 (NIV)
Rather than demand submission, Paul encourages us to live with the love of Christ. We love with a sacrificial love that became a servant. Tony Campolo put it this way once: “what woman would ever have a problem submitting to a man who wants to become her slave?”
Marriage paints a picture of God’s redemption
29 After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— 30 for we are members of his body. 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c]
Ephesians 5:29-31 (NIV)
Here’s where Paul is going: Husbands and wives becoming one. It’s about a new beginning.
Paul paints a picture of the church becoming one with Christ. While he’s our head, it’s not about domination or exerting authority. He made us part of His body.
This reminds me of Jim and Lynn’s wedding that I told about. The addictions and troubles of their lives were behind them. They were determined to make that ceremony work because for them, this was a new beginning.
Backing up a few verses, Ephesians 5:26-27 spoke of Jesus making the church holy, cleaning her, presenting her to Himself without stain or blemish.
We have our flaws, but Jesus gives a new beginning. He did what He did to cleanse us.
We can wear white at the wedding.
Marriage paints a picture of the Gospel.
Ultimately that’s the picture we see. Marriage reenacts the Gospel.
As the Bride of Christ, we see our Head, Jesus, who has loved us and redeemed us. He who had no sin became sin for us (2 Corinthians 5:21).
Paul paints this picture to help us understand how to interact with one another. He paints it as an example. But more than anything, he uses the ideals of what marriage should be all about to point us to the Gospel: That God is God and by what he’s done, he’s brought restoration.
As we see the picture of the church as the Bride of Christ, we ultimately see a picture of the Gospel.